Nursing

A Thursday Throwback

I just opened my email to kind and unexpected “Happy Anniversary” from the site I use for my blog.

Two years. Today marks two years that I have been writing and you have been reading. But in reality, many of you met me long after this blog was created and far from it’s original intention. So I thought to myself, why not introduce you to how it all began, and in doing so, remind myself of why this all started. I am back to a diet full of gluten, I have forgotten the drive to prioritize my health, but below is an excerpt from my original post here on According to Kateri. With a little work and this nice reminder, I can work to get back there. Thank you to those of you who have followed me from the beginning, and welcome to those of you who have joined me along the way.

My Body is a Temple

As a child raised in a religiously involved Christian family I was groomed on the concept that my body is a Temple; something sacred and special, something to be cared for, respected, and guarded. As an adolescent working hard every day at the chance for a future as a ballerina, I was taught that my body is a tool. Something I can mold and train to do what I want and need it to do, something I am ruler over. Yet, in contrast, as a woman in this day in age, specifically a woman with Crohn’s disease, I have somehow fallen into the belief that my body is my enemy. It is sick when I wish to be well. It is big when I wish it to be small, straight when I wish it to be curved.

I have spent years making plans and cancelling them due to illness, fatigue, or pain. I have missed school, missed work, and missed life. At times my body is consumed by my disease and every decision is based on what my body needs. Yet, even with all of the right decisions, at times my body still gets worse, feels worse. Through multiple flare ups and surgeries since the age of 13 I have decided my body is against me, I am its enemy and it is mine. It is hard not to feel this way, considering the disease itself is my body attacking me…

In periods of health, between flares, the woman inside of me takes over. My body remains my enemy for not looking like a model, not having a perfectly flat stomach, toned legs, perfect butt. In both cases food is my Kryptonite, the ultimate weakness that inevitably destroys me. Fueling my body is a challenge of the wills, calories versus carbs versus fat versus what it will do to my belly. An embarrassing amount of the day is focused on controlling the evil food that fuels my enemy body.

During my dancing days.
During my dancing days.

This needs to change.

I have always had a reactive response to my body: it gains weight, I lose it, it flares up, I make changes. In the health care world, where I spend my professional time, we have finally realized a reactive medical system, while necessary at times, especially with acute illness, is not enough to maintain the highest level of health. Being proactive is ultimately the best way to go. Making changes based on what will be best before the worst case occurs.

I have decided to start treating my body this way. I made a massive diet change last June in the midst of a Crohn’s flare and eliminated gluten from my diet. At first it seemed like a nightmare, like more than I could or wanted to deal with, but now, six months later, its simply the way I eat. To be honest, I am aware on a daily basis how much better I feel for it. In that same way it is time for me to change how I view and treat my body. I am turning it into a temple and tool again.

So if my body is in fact a temple, it is time I view and treat it as such. Make it a priority. Everything I do to it or put into it matters. I am going to remain gluten free and mostly organic as I have been, but I am hoping to learn to shift my focus from food as evil to food as fuel. In the past food has been what makes me sick, is often off limits, and then often over appreciated when periods of liquid diets and other restrictions end. Food is however what makes our cells reproduce, what turns fat to muscle, gives our brain the sugar it needs to think and move our bodies.

It is time that I see it and consume it that way. And as for my body, I am going to make it a tool again, mold and train it to be the best it can be. Improve its strength and flexibility, teach it to relax when it needs to. I am going to take my health into my own control, rather than spending my days feeling controlled by my currents state of health, or lack there of.

Perhaps if my body is no longer my enemy, I will no longer be it’s, we can live together, a happier, stronger, and more fulfilled life. So here it goes…

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “A Thursday Throwback

    1. Jag tycker synd om er my buttercups. Tycker synd om Milan, sitter på jobbet och deppar. Holy cow, vi har sjunkit så lågt att folk blir glada över Zaccardo. And the mighty Milan keeps fan1ll&#82i7;. /Emogirl88

  1. Kateri,

    Thank you for sharing your unique experience of Crohn’s, and also for talking about the crippling food challenges that so many face.

    I was reminded, reading your blog today, of a book by Geneen Roth called “Women, Food, and God” that sparked some change in my thinking about self improvement. This excerpt relates to your thoughts about waging war on one’s body, so I thought I would share it! On page 72 she writes:

    “Eventually we get so tired of trying to fix ourselves that we stop. We see that we’ve never been able to make ourselves good. Never been able to accomplish ourselves into being someone else. And so we stop trying. We see there is no goal, no end place, no test to take. No one is keeping score. No one is watching us and deciding whether or not we are worthy enough to ascend. Eventually we see that it was the investment in the brokenness, the constant effort to fix ourselves, that was the very thing that kept wholeness at bay.”

  2. Hi there I am so delighted I found your website, I really found you by accident, while I was searching
    on Google for something else, Anyways I am here now and would just like
    to say many thanks for a tremendous post and a all round enjoyable blog (I also love the
    theme/design), I don’t have time to go through it all at the minute but I have book-marked it and
    also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to
    read a great deal more, Please do keep up the fantastic work.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s